This month is my 10 year anniversary of making the decision to come back to me.
April 2008, was when I set my mind to do something about my weight and my fitness.
You can read about my history here:
Years ago, I suffered from anxiety that began after I experienced a panic attack while camping at Yellowstone with my husband. I was put on some anti anxiety meds by our family Dr. to calm me down. He then referred me to a counselor who couldn't prescribe meds, she then referred me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist began prescribing different meds to "help" me, he ended up with a drug cocktail that pretty much zombied me out of life for about 7 years. A side effect of the medications was alot of weight gain. I was also going to counseling and group therapy sessions with him during that time. Even with the meds I was always in a high state of anxiety and paranoia. He told my husband that I would never get better.
In the fall of 2007, I began seeing a Naturopath about some other issues. On a visit to him in February of 2008, he said, "what would be the worst thing that would happen if you went off of the meds you are on? If it goes bad you can always go back on them, as I see it they aren't doing you alot of good now are they?". I gradually went off of the pills under his supervision. I quit seeing the psychiatrist I had been seeing for all of those years. I searched out another counselor, and after a few sessions she said "you are O.K. You don't need to see me anymore”. It took a while for the effects of the drugs to wear off, when they did I slowly began to think about living "life" again.
It's been 10 years since I broke free from that anxious/drug dependent life I was living. I am forever thankful for the positive reinforcement I got from those two professionals. It meant so much to me to hear them say "out loud" that they believed in me and that I could live drug free and learn how to manage my feelings without pills. They gave me the tools I needed to live life, instead of a bottle of pills. They taught me that feelings are normal and "human". One of the best things I was told was that we are never stuck, life is like a a conveyor belt - it just keeps going. A panic attack lasts about 20 minutes (not forever, as it seems when we are going through one), with the correct breathing exercises and meditative thoughts they can be overcome with time.
I would like to make a statement about Dr.'s that prescribe drugs as a first line of defense for mental health. Too many menopausal women are given anti-anxiety drugs instead of getting their hormone levels checked. I wish that more general family Dr.'s would check a woman’s hormone levels 1st, if she’s menopausal aged and that mental health professionals would prescribe a 3 month plan of better eating habits and a 30 minute walk outside in the fresh air, instead of pills with worse side effects than you’re already going through. Getting outside, moving around and getting the blood circulating is a far better drug than anything I was ever on. I also believe in getting into programs that take us out of our comfort zones. We tend to like our comfy lives and routine schedule, we can get away with it more when we are young because we have so many new things coming at us all of the time. I've noticed that as I've aged routines feel safe and if I step out of my routine the old nerves start up. That's one of the reasons I'm so committed to doing the Spartan races, they force me to stay one or "many" steps out of my comfort zone. I'm better able to cope with life and it's ups and downs because of these events.
I understand that there are some people that do need to take drugs to help them cope. I'm not saying that my way is THE way, but please let’s quit giving everyone a pill for every feeling or emotion we are overcome by. Emotions are part of what makes us human, we just need the tools to learn to manage them.
My advice: Get out of your comfort zone and "live" your life.
I'm still moving forward and feel very blessed to have this life that I have.
I savor every moment of every day.
"Just me - Alive"
